This is What Shattered Dreams and Shattered Knees Look Like.

Here are some pictures of my first couple days in the hospital after I was hit by Justin Hicken Driving Under the Influence. They are ugly, I'm sorry if they made you sick. They make me sick.
I just want to raise awareness.

Too nice?

Video Courtesy of KSL.com

Am I too nice? Why is it so hard for me to get over my passiveness and niceness when it really matters?
I don't really want to beat myself up over my statement with the judge yesterday, but I really wish I could get over the little block of nice that I have and say how I really feel when it might actually make a difference. I probably didn't even mention half of what my problems are when I was speaking, it was so scary. I guess I'll give myself a break, but still, I wish I could make a difference. I just hate how lenient the punishment for certain crimes are.
I have a young friend who's sentence for smoking marijuana as a passenger in a car is that her license was suspended for a year, she is on probation, and has lots of community service. I'm okay with her learning her lesson, but why should Justin Hicken just get a little slap on the wrist when he was under the influence of an even more illegal substance and driving and plowing through an innocent pedestrian? It doesn't make any sense.
My husband's uncle was killed by a drunk driver in South Dakota 15 years ago. They didn't get justice either.
UTAH, GET BETTER LAWS! I hope this state gets a clue, and other states.
I will be interviewed on KNRS tonight at 6:05 by Rod Arquette. He has podcasts called 'rodcasts' if you want to listen to it later. I'm assuming he has one for every one of his shows.

Win Win or Lose Lose?

The first picture is of my stitches from surgery and scabs and bruises from the accident caused by Justin Hicken. Notice the gash near the back of my knee, it is in the shape of his car lights or something...to this day, it is my ugliest scar. The second picture is of the imprint and bruise of his car lights on my other leg. I've been anticipating today with nerves.

Justin Hicken, the man who hit me with his car while under the influence, was sentenced today and I don't think I said all that I should have in court. I am a very nice person who wishes the best for everyone, but sometimes I just wish I could say what needs to be said when it needs to be said. This is a big vent (I hope it is therapeutic and somehow makes a difference in Utah, or even the country. It probably won't though.) It was dumb. This is what happened: Justin Hicken was in court for a DUI on August 24, 2010. He was driving under the influence again on August 25, 2010 when he hit me, an innocent pedestrian on a sidewalk on the opposite side of the road, with his stupid truck. He broke bones in my face, broke my septum, put a gash in my scalp, scratched my elbow, knee, and gashed one of the backs of my knees, broke

my tibial plateau, tore my ACL, gave me many micro-fractures, gave me post traumatic stress, bruised the side of my leg and back of my hip (which are still bruised by-the-way), worsened a back injury I already had, and ruined my dreams. He was only in jail for a few months then went to rehab. Judge McDade only sentenced him to pay a $1,300 fine and probation and to use a breathalyzer when he drives (when he drives? yes, he still drives), that is all. I think he was way too lenient and sympathetic to the criminal. I know people who have comparable penalties from just smoking marijuana. It simply doesn't add up.Justin Hicken showed up to court dressed nicely with a new hair cut and a clean shave, as if that translates into being a great person. However, I think that is one thing that influenced Judge Darold McDade's decision. I think Hicken's father's speech about how this ordeal has been a blessing in their family's life influenced his decision. However his "blessing" completely ignored the fact that I existed. I think the defense attorney's praise of Justin's school record and leadership influenced his decision. Hitler was pretty smart too and could paint pictures, but after all, he was still Hitler. I also think there was some bias or friendship that influenced his decision. Hicken's father is the prosecuting attorney for Pleasant Grove we were told by the prosecuting attorney in this case. It turns out that good ole Darold served on the Pleasant Grove city council for seven years. I think this is interesting whether it correlates or not. The defense attorney's language was so fluffy, like a bad presentation or a terrible talk in church. It felt more like a carnival than a courtroom with so much sweet talking going on.

Hicken's sentencing isn't enough, regardless of what the victim has to say. Why should someone who was in court one day for a DUI, get another DUI the next day and hit a pedestrian still have their license? If you can answer this question satisfactorily, I will buy you a copy of "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" and crochet you a nativity set. After all is said and done, I'm still alive, my body still hurts, and justice wasn't served. I feel like everyone lost

"Revenge is a dish best served cold."-Old Klingon Proverb. Not that I want revenge. I want justice.

I hate the feeling I have right now. I don't want Justin Hicken to not ever succeed in life or get better from his addictions, but if you tore up someone's painting, it doesn't mend it if you give them some flowers. Justin said he is sorry and I hope he really is, but sorry isn't the end of it, he shouldn't be driving and he shouldn't be out and about, even if he is doing better. I am still not whole, I still can't dance, I still feel crappy.

Here is an article. I don't sound displeased enough in it. I am so happy that Jeremy and my mom were in the courtroom with me. I should have invited everyone because anyone was welcome and I know many of you would have been happy to be there. Oh well, too late. It is so easy to wish in retrospect. DO NOT DO DRUGS! It is never worth the risks you take.

On a lighter note, Jeremy and I attended a promotional screening of "Win Win." I liked it. We had tainted fun which is better than just plain taint. Also, I know I have the support and love from my husband, family, friends, and even strangers. I know God loves me. I know things will continue to improve for me, not matter how long it takes. I hope I come out better in the end. I know I can be happy and that there are so many things to be happy about and grateful for.

Saint Patrick's week

I can start going to the gym now so I ordered shoes to work out in last week. I got them on Monday! I was so excited to open them. Opening packages is something I like to do, especially if they are for me.

Ordering the shoes was a way bigger ordeal than I wanted it to be. The ones I wanted look like this. I was in the checkout with them twice. The first time, the online store went down for maintainance so I couldn't complete the order. The second time, a message popped up and said they ran out of my size in that color. I was bummed at first but I got a better deal through Finish Line in the end and this color is still cute.

On sunday, I put some of my mom's white geraniums for the centerpiece at the dinner table. I put green food coloring in the water to see if the petals would change color, they did a little bit. Maybe you can look closely at the petals to see. They probably would more if I put them in the green water more quickly. But it was fun. I think I might do it again with a time lapse and make it look like a little piece of an educational video.

I found some boxing shorts and made Jeremy put them on so I could take pictures of him in them. He made a gif out of them:

He also has his own blog here.

Amelia Bedelia

I reminded myself of Amelia Bedelia today.